Angels & Demons

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Google Images doesn’t do him justice, trust me

There aren’t many shows that inspire an TV addict such as myself, to marvel at just how good they are. I watch enough shows(over 55) irregardless of my high/low opinions, it’s almost become a rote activity. Da Vinci’s Demons however is one of the very few that made me sit up and take notice of the quality content despite how attractive the protagonist is, see for yourself:

There are many shows I watch for the sole purpose of rejuvenating my eyes- Supernatural, The Vampire Diaries, that other show on the CW network. You must understand then, that only extraordinary writing, riveting characters and story-lines, phenomenal acting and marvelous(I do mean MARVELOUS) production is what it takes to get me to take my eyes off of that man and appreciate the show’s magnificence.

It’s created by David. S. Goyer (the guy who wrote the latest, and less than satisfying, installment in the Superman series), yeah, I was surprised too. Here’s what I can tell you about the show( Wiki and IMDB for detailed splanations)-

  • It’s a twist on the traditional accounts behind Leonardo Da Vinci’s tale of brilliance, with an intriguing and somehow appropriate supernatural tinge to it
  • You will see more nipples in one episode of the show than you can count, seriously you should make a drinking game out of it, I did. Ditto butt-cracks.
  • If you like Game of Thrones and Sherlock, this one is definitely in your zone. It has a smidge of the bloody massacre and beheading that Game of Thrones has led us to expect, and simultaneously incorporates a Sherlockian protagonist in Da Vinci.
  • The production effects are stellar, they really draw you in taking you on a journey into Da Vinci’s head, helping you understand his perception of the world as a marginally ostracized, ambidextrous artista. Set in Florence, there is much to keep you on edge- treachery, the impending threat of war and of course, nothing is complete without some good ol fashion people-sleeping-with-people-they’re-not-supposed-to-be-sleeping-with drama

They say the devil is in the details, and I say that’s absolutely heavenly. On a side note, I must say, the day I actually find out who “they” are, I’m going send them a bunch of mean tweets. In 8 episodes, each better than the next, Goyer hides clues and little details that link to future episodes, and I must say I feel absolutely gleeful on the rare occasions that I figure them out.

SPOILER ALERT Goyer also has an awesome blog where he talks about his thought process and the production of some of the episodes. 

What are you waiting for GO WATCH NOW, so we can talk about it.

Season 1 Trailer

Season 2 Trailer, if you’re super curious

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Un Happy Endings

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Since almost everything has been on hiatus, I haven’t had much to write about. That combined with the fact that I am in Massachusetts, USA and no longer in the perennial state of boredom that I used to be in, made blogging harder than usual. I thought a lot, about a show that I would want to write about at this point. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I don’t wanna do reviews, so I figured I’d complain. Yes, as shocking as that is. This is a dedication to those heroes(not really), those veterans(um still no) and those brilliant shows(YES), that were laid to rest before their time. May they RIP and then be resurrected(JESUS-style), on another network.

Here’s to you: Happy Endings, Partners, Outsourced & Don’t Trust the B in Apt 23

Happy Endings:

Best show ever because:

1. Look how hot Damon Wayans Jr is, whilst rolling in the mulah

I might have a weird adoration for interracial couples, that has nothing to do with me having grown up in Nigeria.

2. The brilliance of Adam Pally being the least “gay” gay guy on TV. Max Blume’s the Jew who is gay, definitely NOT chubby and freeloads off his friends. I was like

3. The ridiculously over the top actions reactions of everyone on the show to pretty much everything is just AMAAAZEing, besides the fact that they’re unrealistically awesome lack of cohesion as a group of people.

 

 

4. When there was the slightest cancellation buzz around the show

And I did

5. I have had this dream, seriously I kid you not.

6. People were like there will be other shows and I just wasn’t feeling it.

7. The cancellation buzz got stronger and the episodes less frequent

8. Penny’s dating experiences are a revelation

9. They had both Nick Zano and Megan Mullaly guest star, that’s a cameo win.

10. They actually announced it’s cancellation

11. I will always remember the brilliance of this:

or THIS

http://video.vulture.com/video/Happy-Endings-Kathryn-Bigelow-B

 

 

On the bright side the writers from these shows are all on other shows now and should be churning out some awesomeness,

Hanni I’m home

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Hannibal is fucking scary. If Mads Mikkelsen and I were in a room together, i would faint out of sheer fear and then Inception style I would have 3 levels of dreams where I faint again and again and again and then in Limbo he would be there and kill me and have me  for dinner with a side salad, because he knows better than to not eat his veggies. Mads is the kind of guy who could look at you and make you feel like you did something unforgivable, make you want to confess your sins before you hand him a knife and tell him to absolve you and take your life. I’m sure he’s a nice guy irl, but Jesus Christ, is he scary.

His eyes are like- stfu and let me cook you

He looks kinda hot in this picture

He looks kinda hot in this picture

There's no meat, like human meat, what a treat

There’s no meat, like human meat, what a treat

 

 

This show is brilliantly convoluted, and you just can’t help thinking just how fucked up the writers of the show must be. And then, there’s Hugh Dancy. The last time I saw this dude on screen was as a charming Disney type prince in a cape on Ella Enchanted, so you can imagine just how freaky it is to see him as an empathizing, borderline sociopath who has more voices in his head than brain and a lot of them aren’t even human.

Before: Ella Enchanted

 

After: Blood-covered, investigator/weirdo

Let’s talk some more about Mads though, first of all what sort of a name is that? Seriously, if I named a child Mads, I would be surprised if he didn’t end up playing a cannibalistic psychiatrist with a penchant for making beautiful Masterchef desserts as calmly as he castrates his victims before sauteing them.

If I had to summarize the show in one word it would be- creepy as fuck. That phrase is something I never understood and much like the slang of my generation it is nonsense. The show however is brilliantly pictured, from the shady weather and the clouds, to Laurence Fishburne’s unavoidable stern expression. Even the font in which the ‘VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED’, appears at the bottom of the screen is pretty cool, even though I chose to ignore it and continue watching. Hannibal is the stuff nightmares are made of, and trust me it makes Jack the Ripper seem like Spongebob.

 

On my Watchlist now:

1. Web Therapy-Phoebe Buffay is a therapist, who does 3 minute sessions on the web, she’s flaky, she’s crazier than her patients( there aren’t too many of those) and she went to Wharton Business School. Guess I know where I won’t be applying to next year :). I’ve seen 4 episodes and honestly I will never forget this line-

“What makes you think I don’t specialize in incest?”– Lisa Kudrow, on Web Therapy

 

More Hannibal:

 

 

Hannibal Confessions Tumblr: For the serial killer/ cannibal wannabe in you

http://hannibalshouseofconfessions.tumblr.com/

Hanni

Hannibal Comics:

http://comicsannibal.tumblr.com/

Fast 6

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So I saw the movie some time ago and as usual I am not gonna review it or anything, because like I said, that’s what rotten tomatoes, imdb and coupla zillion other sites and bloggers are for. I do what I do what I do that I do- mock, ridicule, question and make accusations. In this movie however there was so much to mock and so much to ridicule and just SO much inconsistency plot-wise that I was left with just one thought.

Can’t you just picture The Rock as Hobbes the Tiger, ignore the treacherous bitch next to him in the picture.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie- high-speed car chases, explosions, Vin Diesel driving some petrol cars, that evil dude who looks like Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s evil British twin Hoit Gordon-Levitt.

JGL

JGL

Luke Evans aka Less-cute, more Evil

Luke Evans aka Less-cute, more Evil

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Add to that, the fact that I kept picturing The Rock as a fluffy tiger and well I was pretty much winded from rolling on the floor of the theater laughing. I also got a good workout kicking the guy in front of me who kept shoving his seat into my knee.

BONUS

Fuck Yeah JGL

Also in case they take down that awesome video here’s the gist

heh

Note to Self: Must watch Magic Mike

Speaking of which, double bonus, you lucky dog you! So maybe your boss is a stingy li’l Theon Greyjoy type person and the bonus he promised you this year came in the form of a ‘Thank you for being a wonderful Employee’ Hallmark card, you should just Channing all over his um, just watch this, it’ll cheer you up. Boys, Olivia Munn is in there too.

That’s just super

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As hard I made it for you to guess the theme here, it’s superman. I’ve never been a huge fan of the tale. I like my superheroes, like I like my food- hot, spicy with a hint of saucy. Iron-Man RDJ fits the bill perfectly with the playboy, your-opinion-is-irrelevant attitude

.

I am a MARVEL girl, for real. When I was born, the doctors said ‘She’s a marvel this one, you are the luckiest parents alive.’ I also like the Marvel comics. X-Men ftw. My biggest dream as a kid was to be Rogue especially when I started watching X-Men Evolution. She was the brooding face of my earliest blog and continues to be my favorite comic-book character for reasons that probably extend beyond her wardrobe.

Like I said, probably.

Which brings us to Man of Steel or does it? Well before we get to that, I just have like a small subset of the million things I have to say, that I have to list.

Best Lois ever- Erica Durance

Pitbull on a pantleg

Best Lois & Clark ever- Teri Hatcher & Dean Cain

They have Chemistry and Dean Cain is just chilled out and funny and doesn’t spend all his time brooding in a barn.

Hottest Superman or blur or whatever- Tom Welling Hands down

That’s not from Smallville, it’s from when he was an Abercrombie model, but so cute and hot. It can’t be easy to be both those things at the same time.

But here’s a ranking  if you wanna see the contenders or if you’re one of those people who finds Daniel Craig attractive.

Man of Steel- the real story

So my best friend calls me when the movie was still in production and is like ‘OMG WE HAVE TO GO FOR IT!’ and I’m like sure, but why so much enthusiasm, shouldn’t you attempt to curb it and then well:

1.She tells me Henry Cavill is superman. I’m like who is that?

She tells me Henry Cavill is superman. I'm like who is that?

2. After I Google Henry Cavill

After I Google Henry Cavill

3. She tells me Amy Adams is playing Lois Lane

It takes me a while to get over that one.

4. It takes me a while to get over that one 

She tells me Amy Adams is playing Lois Lane

5. We debate what the casting director was thinking and question his/her better judgement about the Amy Adams decision

We debate what the casting director was thinking and question his/her better judgement about the Amy Adams decision

6. I start watching the movie and Henry Cavill comes on screen 

sooo hot

7. We can’t help ourselves as we watch the culmination of manly perfection despite his terrible acting

low how big he is with sush

8. Amy Adams comes on screen 

amy adams comes on screen

9. Amy Adams has lines.

rs IT TALKS

10. Then Jonathan Kent has to go and die.

Jonathan dies

11. Every time Henry went off screen 

everytime henry went off screen

12. When I realize the guy who plays the good(mostly) Dr.Emil Hamilton on Smallville is playing the Dr’s assistant- Officer Sekowsy, in the movie

omg the mil from smallville is the fake emil s assitant in this movie thatss so fucked up

13. My friend when I point this fact out to her

tumblr_mlkfq2MQkY1sndv3bo1_500

14. Amy Adams and the sexy new supes start making out almost as randomly as Ron and Hermione in the last Harry Potter movie

amy adams kissing hc

15. I find out that they’re planning on making this a trilogy

say what now

16. Henry Cavill comes back on screen yelling and flying and seemingly devoid of any actual lines

tell me i m pretty

17. Amy Adams starts talking again

no i dont wanna hear it

18. I remember the trilogy thing and ask God WHY they do such things

they will never elanrTHESE GUYS WILL NEVER LEARN. A HOT GUY DOES NOT A MOVIE MAKE.BUT IT DOES MAKE A LOT OF TV SHOWS. THE CW NETWORK IS A TESTAMENT TO THAT.

19. I start praying for mercy and that by some miracle Christopher Nolan will MAKE more Batman movies and not lend a producer credit to “meh”inducers like this movie and start muttering in frustration

why cant you just make more batman

20. Finally, I go to seek solace in galleries of Tom Welling

me at TW

BONUS

 

More elaborate and less Cavill-centric, accurate description of the Man Of Steel Movie

5 Terrible Lessons We Learned from Superman Movies

CREDITS:

All reactions shown here were sourced from http://cartoonavatars.tumblr.com/

Game of Thrones: the Stark reality! …jk just read on

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My approach to TV show viewing in like a literature class, open to interpretation, discussion, debate and paper-airplane throwing and most importantly there is no right answer.

So I watched 3 seasons worth of Game of Thrones in roughly 5 days and then I watched yesterday’s episode and I died. Every single frikkin person I was rooting for on that show aka the Starks  was butchered and well let’s just say if it weren’t for Khaleesi I would have no hope for anything ever. Even considering how much of a junkie I am when it comes to shows, I think I’m invested in GoT waay to much for my own good. My own tweet sums it up nicely.

I don’t think I’m gonna make it to the next season- everyone on Game of Thrones

I really should’ve known better after Eddard was killed and worse yet, they had to go and kill the wolf :'((. I wonder how likely it is that George R.R Martin would’ve written a GoT version of PETA into his books to protest on behalf of those wolves. PETA and GoT do have a lot in common- they love nudity, boobies and fighting for causes. Khaleesi would look hella awesome as a PETA ambassador.

Khaleesi’s PETA campaign

I also found out that the actress I’d been raving about from the Elementary finale is Natalie Dormer aaaaand she plays Margaery Tyrell on Game of Thrones-brilliant she is. She also has a rather amusing and permanent duckface.

Just adding some hotness to your daily routine.

See what I mean, but I love her anyhoo.

I have also come up with a law that I shall hereby christen Riley’s Law of tele-viewing.

Riley’s law of tele-viewing states that “The more one despises an actor on screen, the more one is likely to love the actor off it”, in other words the amount of hatred you have for onscreen characters played by talented Game of Thrones type actors, is directly proportional to the amount of love you will have for them off screen.

Lena Headey who plays the “the queen we all love to hate”-Sersei Lannister, is just so much fun on the Comic Con GoT panel and on this:

If you have doubts about RIley’s law, well then you are a fool and I happen to enjoy Fool’s Gold( money I get by tricking fools I come across, NOT the awful Matthew Mcconaughey movie- I HATE THAT GUY). Another example of RIley’s law- Michael Rosenbaum who played Lex Luthor on Smallville. You have no choice to fucking hate his sorry bald guts on the show, but the bloopers are a whole another very real, very funny story. John Glover is awesome too.

See what I mean. Oh and it’s called Riley’s law because I am considering changing my nom de plume to Riley Pendergast. Good idea? Bad Idea? or do you have a better idea?

Also I hate Theon Greyjoy, I think he is a whiny little bitch non-man who deserved to get his junk hacked off.

I love the English people, they’re just so awesome- Ricky Gervais, Jeremy  Clarkson, those other guys who host Top Gear with Jeremy Clarkson, the cast of GoT (here’s a link to a gallery where you can see how much fun they have with their clothes ON). I know this is an odd thing to say, considering the British colonized my country and inflicted atrocities on us, but hey I don’t hold no grudges, especially if you look like this:

It’s crazy, the guy makes Jesus sexy. I’d let him colonize my country so hard.

Have Mercy

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So lately, I’ve had a huge craving for John Stamos. I happened to (re)watch the F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode TOW the Donor and before you could say Have Mercy I was watching Full House right from Season 1 episode 1.

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I happened to notice a ton of similar Jokes and plot-lines in the shows. Which was super-exciting for me, because that’s how sad my life is. I decided to make a list (taking screenshots is more time-consuming than I thought possible) which will be up later this month if I don’t find anything more interesting to write about. I did this instead of doing what I was actually supposed to be doing and finish the character list for my long-overdue pilot (more on that soon).

In the process I also realized that I am not getting any younger and that John Stamos is actually 50 :O and that PG 13 dream I had with me and him was less 90210 and more Playboy Mansion. The worst part about the viewer-discretion-advised dreams that I have is that my mom always pops up the middle of them. And unlike Chandler I don’t stop and question her, or even hesitate, I run like my Oscar-de-la-renta fishtail gown’s tail is on fire and scram. It so happens that this particular dream took place in an airport and to add to the inappropriate cameos in my show, my aunt makes an unwelcome appearance to interrupt my making out with John Stamos(25 yr old) at the boarding gate to wild applause and cheering from the others at the airport. This was followed by me running up and down an endless chain of escalators only to find my mom and aunt popping up wherever I went. Finally, I just got stuck in an escalator/conveyor belt which just went around and around until I got dizzy, threw up and woke up..

I come from an unbearably orthodox family that frowns upon pretty much everything I do ( 😉 ) , is unaware of most things I do and dislikes any human I talk to that may possess even remotely masculine characteristics, may give some context to why I ran the way i did in the dream and why I will run in a very similar fashion if this ever happens in real life and knowing me, it’ll probably be soon, just as soon as I find a 25 year old John Stamos.

I read recently when I googled him for the 1200th time that he’s starting a new TV show with muppets and dolls and other celebrities. Move over Sesame Street there’s some new talent in town. Actually kids, do NOT watch this at home…or anywhere for that matter. It’s a show about First Times, virginities being lost, Celebrities being deflowered before and after they got famous and some serious reality will go down when the big-wigs meet the li’l twigs that took their innocence. Read more on that here http://eonli.ne/YnQNSf.

Speaking of celebrities whose names start with J, how about that Jennifer Lawrence/JLaw. I’ll be honest after her “I beat Meryl” remark and the fact that she bears a slight resemblance to Hayden Panettiere I did not like the woman at all. My opinion was- she was bad-ass in the Hunger Games movie but I still don’t like her. Then, a friend of mine who is in love with her sends me this video

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and I fell in love with her in spite of the Hayden Panettiereness. She s funny, she photo-bombs Sarah Jessica Parker, she knows that drinking blood is gross, she knows how awesome sweatpants are and she is mostly drunk. I am officially a fan. Woohoo JLaw.

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