My name is Vee and I’m an addict, a sitcom addict that is. Too bad there aren’t support groups for things that are actually important. This week I came to a rather horrifying realization…the skinnier I get, the skinnier my skinny jeans get. How that works is beyond me! I also received some bad news from my alter ego Princess Mariska Baklava, I am pop-culturally challenged. As a side-effect of my obsessive relationship with TV shows and sitcoms in particular, I hardly ever watch movies, unless Robert Downey Jr is in them or maybe if I’m feeling generous, I catch intriguing, edge-of-your seat thrillers like Wreck It Ralph (which I only indulged because 30 rock star Jack McBrayer voiced one of the characters).
In every show there are always references to old movies and characters from dark ages( also known as the time before I was born). Each time those references are made I laugh, either prompted by the laugh track on the show or gut instinct( usually happens when I’m watching Psych), but the fact that I don’t actually get it makes my soul die a little.
- I haven’t seen The Breakfast Club, but I know that the end has everyone on a field and the guy in the modified trench coat pumps his fist into the air, possibly with soul-touching soundtrack playing in the background to solidify the emotion.
- I have never watched a Michael Douglas movie, but from what I could make of the references off shows I have gotten he wasn’t a very nice man in the movies.
- The only Tom Cruise movie I have ever seen is the Mission Impossible where he sprints vertically on the Burj Al Arab, ( is that MI 3 or 4?). On a slightly related note I’ve always been curious was he always a Scientologist or is that just something he decided to try halfway through his career?
- The only performances of Brad Pitt that I have ever witnessed were his cameo on FRIENDS and the first quarter of the Benjamin Button movie, I feel asleep even before he slept with the girl in that barn(I remember the scene from the trailer).
- I only watched Pulp Fiction a year ago and until I did I always figured the movie would have had something to do with OJ(not Simpson, the source of Vitamin C) and book-writing.
- I just watched the new Star Trek movie coupla days ago and that was when a friend told me that William Shatner became famous because of Star Trek. I always thought it was cause of Sh*& my dad says.
- I also realized that the words a guy would most love to hear from a girl’s mouth are “If I were a lesbian”. I happen to have a slight crush on Zoe Saldana, but can you blame me ?
- I have not seen Moulin Rouge. Yes I know that makes me a pariah of sorts, but I dislike unhappy endings (if you know what I mean). What’s even worse, I watched the movie Australia, shot in Australia starring that wonderful Australian Hugh Jackman…and boy did that movie SUCK.
- I haven’t seen ET or any notable Steven Spielberg movie that wasn’t animated. In my head ET looks like Alf.
- I don’t think I’ve actually seen the entire Titanic movie. I’ve definitely seen the end and the beginning, whether I’ve seen the middle or not I’m really not sure. All I remember clearly about it are Leonardo dies and there’s that scene where they do this :
- As a result of this serious reflection I came to the conclusion that I need to upload, update, revamp, overhaul and restructure my pop-culture database in order to be a TV writer. So I’m going to go watch The Breakfast club, because I need to know what the deal is with Judd Nelson and nostril flaring.
Anybody else out there who is pop-culturally challenged as I am and is willing to study with/coach me?